Growing up with narcissistic mothers can be tough, especially for daughters. Their mothers can be so focused on their overinflated sense of importance and desire to be valued, appreciated, and admired that they ignore their daughters’ needs. They can also manipulate their daughters to ensure their needs are met, not their children’s. Being raised in a narcissistic environment can lead to daughters of narcissistic mothers with various symptoms, which are treatable with personalized mental health care.
What Does it Mean to Have a Narcissistic Mother?
Having a narcissistic mother generally means she has symptoms of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or has been diagnosed with NPD. Unfortunately, most people with NPD do not believe there is anything wrong with their behaviors, so they may go undiagnosed and not seek treatment.
NPD exists on the spectrum, so the extent to which a mother is narcissistic will vary. There are also overt and covert narcissists. Overt narcissists are very extroverted and are not afraid to act like the world revolves around them while seeking praise and adoration from others. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are introverts and come across as shy. However, they will employ various tactics to ensure their needs are met, such as manipulation and passive-aggressive behavior.
Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and not respecting boundaries are common narcissistic traits. Emotional abuse can also occur when you have a narcissistic mother who can belittle, criticize, and demean their children. They will even play favorites to manipulate children to shower them with admiration. The non-favorites are usually blamed for anything that goes wrong.
10 Symptoms Daughters Experience From a Narcissistic Mother
When reviewing the 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers, it is vital to remember that every daughter’s experience will be unique to their household and environment. They may only experience a few of the symptoms, while other daughters can experience more.
1. Codependency
It is easy for daughters of narcissistic mothers to develop codependency traits as they form relationships with others. They may seek approval and validation from others, as they often believe others’ opinions of them measure their worthiness. They can also put the needs of others ahead of their own.
2. Low Self-esteem
Growing up with narcissistic mothers can result in daughters having a negative self-image and low self-esteem, especially when they have been emotionally abused. They can feel unworthy, inadequate, and need validation from others.
3. Overly Self-critical
Narcissistic mothers are usually very critical of their daughters with no regard for their feelings. Constantly being belittled and experiencing backhanded comments and criticism can lead daughters to be very self-critical of themselves and how they are perceived. They can develop a need for perfection in everything they do.
4. Lack of Empathy
One of the common symptoms of NPD is a lack of empathy. When you have a narcissistic mother, she is unable to teach you empathy or even genuinely show it. Some narcissistic mothers will fake empathy when it benefits their needs. As a result, it is normal to feel emotionally neglected and have difficulties expressing empathy yourself.
5. People-pleasing
Daughters of narcissistic mothers are groomed to please their mothers and shower them with praise, adoration, and admiration. As a result, daughters in narcissistic households associate this as normal behavior, so they will place the needs of others before their own, even when their needs go unmet.
6. Difficulties Setting and Maintaining Boundaries
Another common symptom of NPD is a lack of boundaries. Narcissistic mothers often fail to respect their daughters’ boundaries, making it difficult for daughters to set and maintain boundaries, which makes it difficult to develop healthy relationships.
7. Fear of Abandonment
Daughters with narcissistic mothers can have a fear of being abandoned as a result of being manipulated, emotionally abused, and receiving inconsistent parenting. This can make it difficult for daughters to trust and form healthy attachments with others.
8. Verbal Abuse
Experiencing verbal abuse from a mother with NPD is very painful and hurtful. The constant exposure to this type of environment can directly affect one’s mental well-being, self-esteem, and what is considered normal behavior. As a result, daughters can become verbally aggressive towards others when they experience emotional turmoil or are having feelings of self-doubt about their relationships.
9. Difficulties Expressing Emotions
Since narcissistic mothers have no empathy, when their daughters express emotions, they rarely respond to them. This can lead to an emotional disconnect for their daughters, a fear of expressing their feelings, and a fear of being criticised or rejected by others.
10. Insecure Attachments
Growing up with a narcissistic mother can make it challenging to form secure relationships later in life. Most daughters have insecure attachments, where they can experience avoidance, fear, and anxiety, while struggling with intimacy, emotional regulation, and trust.
Examples of Things a Narcissistic Mother Says to Her Daughter
Narcissistic mothers will say different things to their daughters to manipulate, undermine, control, and invalidate their daughters’ sense of self, including the following examples:
Guilt-tripping and Manipulation:
- “You always disappoint me.”
- “You are so ungrateful.”
- “I sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay me?”
Insulting and Belittling:
- “You will never be as beautiful as me.”
- “You are a constant disappointment.”
- “You are worthless.”
False Expressions of Dependence and Love:
- “You should be grateful that I’m your mother.”
- “Without me, you will never amount to anything.”
- “I’m the only one who actually loves you.”
Undermining and Comparison:
- “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”
- “You think you’re special, but your friend is better than you.”
- “You will never amount to anything.”
Backhanded Compliments:
- “You did okay, but I would’ve done better.”
- “You won’t be pretty if it wasn’t for me.”
- “You would not have gotten that promotion if it weren’t for my help.”
Invalidating and Gaslighting:
- “You are being overly dramatic.”
- “It’s not that big of a deal, so get over it.”
- “Suck it up, cupcake.”
- “You’re imagining things; it never happened.”
Why Narcissistic Mothers Push Their Daughters to Be Like Them
Narcissistic mothers do not always push their daughters to be like them. Instead, they view their daughters as an extension of themselves and a means to fulfill their needs. They manipulate their daughters into a reflection of their own perceived image while receiving constant validation and appreciation.
Are Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers at Greater Risk of Becoming Narcissists?
Daughters of narcissistic mothers can have a greater risk of becoming narcissists, but it depends on the specific circumstances. It also depends on several factors, such as:
- The desire to break away from narcissism
- The daughter’s own personality
- Access to support outside the family
- Overall influence of the narcissistic mother
How to Heal From a Narcissistic Mother
Healing from a narcissistic mother is possible with therapy and support to help recognize that your mother is a narcissist. You also have to decide the future of your relationship with your mother, as sometimes distancing yourself or ending the relationship may be better for your mental health and well-being.
If you want to attempt to maintain the relationship, you need to develop effective coping skills and techniques. This is possible through individual and group therapy, establishing healthy boundaries, and exploring the extent to which your mother’s narcissistic behaviors have had on you so that you can move forward.
Contact Montare Behavioral Health to Start Treatment
Overcoming growing up with a narcissistic mother is possible with comprehensive and personalized mental health treatment at Montare Behavioral Health. We can help you process any unresolved trauma, overcome any symptoms you may have, and develop effective coping skills in a caring and supportive environment. Contact us today to schedule an initial consultation and take the first step toward improved mental health and well-being.
Published: 10/13/2025