Sometimes, our thoughts and behaviors can have negative impacts on our lives, relationships, and achieving our short-term and long-term goals. When they do, they could be a type of self-defeating behavior. Everyone can experience self-defeating behaviors at various points in their lives, which can be the result of stress, anxiety, or other mental health issues or be related to alcohol and substance use. However, when they have become a part of our normal, everyday routines, then it could be time to seek professional help.
Defining Self-Defeating Behavior
When someone behaves in such a way where they are opposed to wanting something to happen, this can be defined as self-defeating behavior. Even when the individual achieves their desired objective, they can still act negatively. The behaviors can vary from person to person and could be repetitive or consist of a combination of behaviors. They could also be related to various mental health disorders.
Self-defeating behaviors can occur as a coping mechanism to various situations or from learned behaviors from others. Individuals use self-defeating behaviors as a way to deal with difficult situations they do not want to face. They can also be used as a defensive mechanism.
Self-Defeating Behavior Examples
Some of the more common self-defeating behaviors include:
- Perfectionism: When someone is a perfectionist, they want everything to be perfect all of the time. Achieving this is extremely difficult because it is an impossible goal.
- Procrastination: Putting off one’s responsibilities and tasks prevents people from achieving their goals.
- Overspending: Spending more than one can afford is a self-defeating behavior because even when one knows it will have other negative consequences, they continue to do it.
- Self-pity: Some people use self-pity as a means to feel sorry for themselves and not change their behaviors to achieve their objectives.
- Self-criticism: When people are overly critical of themselves, it affects their self-esteem and makes them feel like there is no reason even to try because they will just fall short and fail.
- Passiveness: People who stay quiet, agree with others, or apologize for no reason, even when they do not agree, are passive because they want to avoid confrontation.
- Aggressiveness: Some people exhibit aggressive behaviors, such as yelling, demanding others, bullying, or physical aggression.
- Avoidance/Isolation: Individuals who avoid certain situations or people or isolate themselves away do so to avoid being disappointed or hurt by others.
- Approval-seeking: This self-defeating behavior is where people need positive feedback and approval from others.
- Hiding: Hiding is when someone is afraid to show their true self because they feel ashamed or embarrassed. So they will pretend to be something they are not or hide specific parts of their personal lives from others.
- Self-harm: Self-harm is a self-defeating behavior because the person is hurting themselves physically.
- Contemplating suicide: Thoughts of ending one’s life as an escape and is counterproductive behavior that can escalate if not addressed.
- Alcohol and substance use: Some people turn to alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism to bring temporary relief from negative feelings and emotions. Continued alcohol and drug use, however, can lead to dependence and addiction.
How to Identify Your Self-Defeating Behaviors
Self-defeating behaviors are not only harmful to the individual but to those around them. While they provide a temporary solution to a current issue, the longer they continue to be used, the more harmful they can become. How to stop self-sabotage involves some self-reflection to recongize which behaviors you are exhibiting.
It can be challenging to identify one’s own self-defeating behaviors, especially when they have been using them for quite some time. Some different options to help identify your behaviors include:
- Self-recognition: Some people are already aware that they procrastinate, avoid social settings, are perfectionists, or feel sorry for themselves. This awareness makes it easier to accept these behaviors and take steps to overcome them.
- Keep a journal: Recording how you feel and how you respond to different situations can help you determine which self-defeating behaviors you have.
- Individual therapy: Speaking with a therapist can help uncover self-defeating behaviors when you are having difficulties identifying yours.
- Self-defeating behavior exam: There are different self-defeating behavior exams you can use as a tool to help identify your self-sabotage behaviors. Some counselors and therapists also can provide these exams.
Strategies on How to Stop Self-Sabotage
Once you have identified your self-defeating behaviors, the next step is to develop positive strategies on how to stop self-sabotage, such as:
- Being more mindful: Mindfulness is a holistic technique that helps you examine your thoughts and behaviors and determine if they are negatively impacting you.
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): CBT can help you uncover your negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors while developing effective strategies to replace them with positive ones.
- Create short-term and long-term obtainable goals: Breaking down large goals into small, short-term ones can make them easier to achieve. Goals should also be realistic and something you can achieve.
- Practice self-care: Take time to take are of your personal needs and mental well-being. Be kind to yourself and accept that it is okay to make mistakes.
- Group therapy: Group therapy with other individuals who also self-sabotage can provide learning opportunities and added support to help you start to make positive changes in your life.
- Make healthy changes: Eat healthier meals and snacks, exercise daily, and keep plenty of restful sleep, as it helps boost your physical and mental well-being.
- Personalized mental health care: Some people can benefit from ongoing comprehensive mental health care plans tailored to their specific needs. Stopping self-defeating and self-sabotage behaviors can take time and require the proper support and guidance to avoid falling back into old habits.
Overcoming Challenges in Changing Self-Defeating Behavior
When people want to change their self-defeating behaviors, they usually face several obstacles and challenges. Their negative thoughts and behaviors can even get in the way. However, by increasing one’s self-awareness of one’s negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and taking the appropriate steps to replace them with healthier and more positive coping strategies, it is possible to overcome any obstacle or challenge standing in one’s way.
Changing self-defeating behaviors takes persistence, patience, and a commitment and desire to want to change. Seeking professional support helps individuals find positive ways to overcome any challenges or obstacles they are currently facing and avoid slipping back into self-defeating habits.
Start the Path to Overcome Self-Defeating Behaviors Today
When you are tired of allowing your self-defeating behaviors to run your life, help is available at Montare Behavoirs Health. We offer comprehensive and personalized care plans at locations in California and Arizona. Let our caring and supportive team help you develop effective skills and strategies to transform your life and improve your mental well-being. Contact us today for further information or to schedule an initial consultation.
Published: 3/4/2025
