Montare Behavioral Health
A Guide for Helping a Spouse with a Mental Illness
Comprehensive behavioral health treatment facilities for adults in a safe and comforting atmosphere in Southern California.
About 1 in 5 people suffer from a mental illness, and that person could be your spouse. Living with someone with mental illness can be challenging, draining, and confusing. While marriage itself requires daily effort, mental illness can sometimes seem like an additional obstacle. However, with the right strategies, it doesn’t have to be. To cultivate a successful and happy marriage with a spouse who has a mental illness, effective communication, support, and self-care are essential.
Signs Your Spouse Has a Mental Illness
Identifying mental illness in your spouse can be complex, as there is no single test to determine its presence. While each mental health disorder has unique symptoms, some general signs include:
Signs Your Partner is Bipolar
- Extreme mood swings from high (mania) to low (depression)
- Impulsivity and risky behaviors during manic episodes
- Periods of high energy and reduced need for sleep
- Rapid speech and racing thoughts during manic phases
- Depression episodes with feelings of sadness and hopelessness
- Irritability and agitation
- Difficulty maintaining relationships and job performance
Signs Your Partner is Depressed
- Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities they once enjoyed
- Changes in appetite or weight
- Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Signs Your Partner Has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- Intense fear of abandonment
- Unstable relationships, often swinging between idealization and devaluation
- Impulsive behaviors (e.g., spending sprees, substance abuse)
- Self-harming behaviors or suicidal tendencies
- Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image
- Chronic feelings of emptiness
- Intense, inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger
Signs Your Partner is a Narcissist
- Excessive need for admiration and attention
- Sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment
- Lack of empathy for others
- Manipulative or exploitative behaviors
- Arrogant or haughty attitudes
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty
- Envious of others or believes others are envious of them
Other Signs of a Partner Struggling with Mental Illness
- Social withdrawal and isolation from friends and family
- Frequent unexplained physical ailments (e.g., headaches, stomachaches)
- Significant changes in mood or behavior
- Substance abuse or increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Difficulty performing daily activities and responsibilities
- Paranoia or excessive worry
- Unusual or irrational thoughts and beliefs
It’s important to observe your spouse closely and consult a doctor if any behaviors seem unusual.
Risk Factors for Developing a Mental Illness
Some people can be predisposed to having a mental illness. Mental health disorders aren’t always preventable, but by attending therapy or another form of counseling, you can prevent your existing disorder from getting worse.
A few risk factors for developing mental health disorders include:
- Family history of mental illness
- Child abuse or neglect
- Traumatic experiences like sexual assault or military combat
- Having a previous mental illness
- A lack of healthy relationships
- Stressful life situations, like divorce or financial problems
Mental Illness Treatment at Montare BH
If your spouse has a mental illness, the specialists at Montare Behavioral Health can refer you to our mental health treatment center that will provide the help your partner needs. Mental conditions are serious and must be treated simultaneously for successful management.
5 Effective Strategies to Deal with Mental Illness with a Spouse
Mental health disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder can produce symptoms in someone that is frustrating for someone else to deal with. Although there are various challenges associated with living with someone with mental illness, there are techniques you can put into practice to make life easier for you and your spouse.
Understand Your Spouse’s Mental Illness
One of the best things you can do when living with a spouse with mental illness is to learn about it and understand it. Living with someone who has bipolar disorder, for example, can pose some difficulty since symptoms of manic depression aren’t always visible.
To better understand what your spouse is dealing with, you should research symptoms of their mental illness, whether they include severe ones like panic attacks or mild ones like difficulty concentrating. You should also talk with your spouse about their personal experiences with their mental disorder.
In addition to talking with your partner, seek the advice of medical professionals and counselors who specialize in your spouse’s mental illness. Research any medical information, resources, and literature online and at the library to learn more about the disorder.
Since there can be a wealth of misinformation on the internet, make sure to refer to trusted websites and organizations like Mental Health America, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA).
Communicate with Your Spouse
Ask your spouse what you can do to help them with their mental illness. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re walking on eggshells with your partner, worrying that you might say the wrong thing that will set them off.
When your spouse does something that hurts you, even if they didn’t mean it, make sure to talk about it with them afterward. Work on your relationship the way you would normally if mental illness wasn’t involved.
You also shouldn’t become your spouse’s enabler or therapist. As much as you’ll want to support your partner, they also need to be getting the proper treatment that will help them manage their condition.
People with mental illness are responsible for their own treatment and well being, so don’t be their “crutch.” However, you still want to be supportive and offer comfort when your partner is recovering from distressing symptoms or getting treatment.
Find Support
There are dozens of support groups for people and families of people with mental illnesses. NAMI and DBSA both host regional support groups in which you can discuss how your spouse’s mental health disorder has made life difficult for you. If your spouse is suffering from mental illness, there are many resources out there that provide support for people with family members who suffer with mental health issues.
You don’t have to be alone in your struggle with your partner’s mental illness. There are thousands of others who have been through similar situations, and they can offer you sympathy and advice. You might also find it helpful for you and your spouse with mental illness to attend couples counseling together so that you can better understand how to navigate your relationship.
There are also forums online on websites like Reddit where you can discuss your experiences dealing with a spouse with a mental illness. In r/BipolarSOs, significant others of people with bipolar disorder share advice on living with someone with mental illness.
Focus on Your Marriage Outside of Mental Illness
Maintain the good parts of your marriage that don’t have to do with your spouse’s mental illness: the deep connection you have, spending quality time together, and expressing your love for each other. It’s easy for mental illness to consume a marriage. However, by maintaining open communication and working on your relationship every day, you’ll leave no room for secrets or surprises.
Take Care of Yourself
One of the most important things you can do while living with someone with mental illness is practice self-care. You must make your mental health a priority because if you’re not okay, then neither will your relationship.
Exercise, take a walk, spend an evening with friends, read a good book or journal. Do things that make you feel at peace and keep your mind at ease. In any healthy relationship, it’s important to still pursue activities and interests that bring you joy. When you stay on top of your own health, you can be a more supportive and engaged partner to your spouse.
Remember, you don’t want to burn out while living with a spouse with mental illness. By following these five techniques, you can strive for a healthy partnership and not let the disorder take a central role in your lives.
Can Marriage Survive a Mental Illness?
Some marriages can survive a mental illness, and some can’t. There are many people with mental illness who have gotten the treatment and medication they needed, and they’ve gone on to have happy marriages and fulfilling lives. However, there are times when a spouse’s mental illness can be too hard for a significant other to handle, and they end up getting divorced.
Every person is different, and as a result, every marriage is different. If your loved one has a mental illness, that might end up taking a central role in your relationship, and you might end up becoming the constant caretaker. This can certainly cause stress, anguish, and resentment.
It all depends on how much you can handle. Understand that living with someone with mental illness is something you’ll have to face head-on, and it takes dedication to make the relationship work.
Getting Your Spouse Treatment for a Mental Illness
Let’s say your spouse has a mental illness and they don’t know it. You have seen signs and symptoms and have consulted your doctor, but your partner is oblivious or in denial and it’s causing trouble in your relationship. At this point, it’s important to get them help for their disorder.
If your spouse is resistant to getting treatment, ask him or her to go to the doctor with you. This way, they don’t have to go alone and they can have someone be with them for moral support. Your doctor can then give your loved one the medication and additional treatment they need to manage their mental health disorder.
Montare Behavioral Health offers several types of treatment programs for people with the following mental health disorders:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Bipolar disorder
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Eating disorders
- Schizophrenia
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP)
- Dual diagnosis (co-occurring disorders)
We offer both inpatient and outpatient mental health treatment, as well as specialized treatment for women, young adults, and seniors.
Inpatient Mental Health Treatment
Inpatient mental health treatment is the most intensive program offered at Montare Behavioral Health. Inpatient treatment is best for people who have moods, thoughts, and behaviors that are out of control or have severe anxiety and depression.
Some of the services we offer in inpatient treatment include:
- Individual therapy
- Group therapy
- Teaching coping skills
- Yoga
Outpatient Mental Health Treatment
If your spouse has mild symptoms of mental illness, outpatient treatment is their best option. Outpatient treatment allows patients with mental health issues to also balance other responsibilities like work and school. By attending treatment a few times a week during the day and spending the rest of your free time working on yourself, you can achieve harmony in your life and in your marriage.
Like inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment also offers group therapy, individual therapy, meditation, and yoga.
When your spouse gets help for their mental illness, they’ll be able to be a better partner and live a fuller life while taking control of their condition.
Get Your Spouse Help for a Mental Illness Today
You and your spouse deserve a chance at a happy and lifelong marriage. If your partner is suffering from a mental illness, contact Montare Behavioral Health today to learn more about the various mental health treatments offered at our facility.
Mental illness doesn’t have to be a dark cloud over your life. Find peace and clarity by taking control of your condition.
